So now that my big little boy, who really is an 18 years old “man” has left for college I am thinking of all the pitfalls that can befall him and I am worrying myself almost sick. Almost, I am tough, I raised him to leave me.
I had a nice talk with him about the perils of drinking too much and doing drugs. I really hope he took it to heart. Thinking about my youth, I know how easily it is to be swayed and how much fun it can seem at the time, but I do not want him to lose sight of the long term, of his life’s goals. As his mother all this is going through my mind and I can’t help but worry, wishing there was some way I knew I could protect him as I could when he was little. I sheltered him in my arms, hugged his boo boos away. I could make all his monsters disappear. That’s not going to work anymore. I can be here ready to listen and give advise, waiting when he comes to visit with open arms and kisses with food provisions so he never goes hungry. That’s my job now and I’m up for the challenge!
As I am lying in bed at night thinking of all the what ifs, if I did a good enough job, if I loved him enough, if I instilled strong enough values, if my wonderful boy will do well and be happy, what this, what that, oh please God just take care of my boy when I’m not there, let him be healthy and happy and as wise as an 18 year old can be, (gasp). . . I know I did all I could!