This past weekend my youngest son came home from college to spend the weekend with us.
I was so excited to see him, I immediately was ready to do anything he wanted to do. Afterall, ask any mother, an unsolicited visit is extra special, and with me being the lame-o rehab baby I think he might have come home to see ME! Awwww, anyway, while he was here he asked me if I wanted to go shopping, are you serious….is this a dream come true?
So away we went with him driving, me ready with freshly swallowed pain pills, on to a great adventure, me and my boy.
Now the bloom is off the rose as soon as we get in the store together and I’m with him, pulling out my selections for HIM, and he’s just giving me the “look” like “really Ma, that” with such disdain, I can feel it dripping off me. So in my infinite wisdom, I say, “So you want me to go look for some stuff for myself?” and God knows he releases a sigh so deep, he should fall over, for there is no more oxygen left in his body.
So off I go happily shopping for myself because we all know I NEED more clothes! REALLY! In this case, I actually can use some clothes that are easy access for my SMART SLING! No pun intended it’s really called that, but it is a misnomer, and we could go into that, but at another time!
Anyway, as I was separating the wheat from the chaff because it’s hard to find zipper & button down that are proper for every day wear especially as it gets warmer here in Arizona, I spied a sexy pair of black skinny jeans that I thought I could rock. Maybe they would take a little attention off the sling thing going on the upper half of me. Great idea, I thought. I’m in hook, line & sinker. Now, I’m a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl so there’s no trying on, oh no. We guess our size. I’m in the 0-2 or 3-5 category depending on the make and cut of a garment. I can usually tell by looking at said garment, but sometimes I’m off. And as all women know, when buying, I think we buy smaller, coincidently be it vanity or what but having lost a few pounds recently with not eating with this stupid surgery I hesitated but then felt surely the 3 will fit. Hand to forehead, Dohhh, what was I thinkin’, always go bigger, when you hesitate, it’s the clothes rule!
When I got home and tried to pull these suckers up, OMG! Really! What stickperson were these pants made for! What the hell was I even thinking! Then I looked at the Brand and it brought back horrible teenage flashbacks of not being “good enough” being too fat, just not being the right body image. Whoa! I stopped that train before it even left the station. I am older and wiser and have outgrown all those insecurities. . .
But, these poor kids out there are still going through all that. So sad. My sympathy is with them and the warped body issues they are going to get and have to live with for years to come, but that’s another story, also. Can’t get into that right not or we’ll go off the rails on another diatribe… Now I know my size and these pants should not have been that tight. They are Levi’s though, which are NOT made for woman with curves. Real women have curves and men like women with them! Lets get serious, we women are so warped and skinny for ourselves and each other, God knows why, Twiggy is dead, or should be. That era should have died out, but we’re still going for the anorexic figure and only our analysts can get to the bottom of that problem. Now I know maybe at my age I shouldn’t be shopping in the Jr’s. section, but for a few pieces, I dabble there. For a simple pair of skinny jeans, sometimes it makes more sense, the womans section runs way too big for me, the petite section tends too run a little too “old fogey” fashion wise for me, so I have to pick around.
So Mr. Levi Strauss get it together, put some realistic sizes on your pants. And if you’re gonna’ dabble in womans fashion, can you remember, we HAVE hips?!
As I said when I pulled them up they were so tight, and mind you these were “stretch” jeans, there was such a gap by the zipper there was no way I was zipping these suckers up. It reminded me of the 80’s when women were laying on beds, sucking in their bellies and fighting with their zippers. Not this woman. I WILL return these pants post-haste, and maybe try a 5 just as an investigative research process to see if it’s me or the pants…time will tell.
Written by Evie Garone 2/2011