The GOD Particle

My husband is an engineer and is always reading material on science and mathematical concepts that are usually beyond me, but the other day he was telling me about the Higgs-Boson Particle, or the God Particle and how it can perhaps enable time travel in the future.

If you want to know about this concept, I’m not going to go into it myself, it’s a very deep and confusing concept, I would suggest you GOOGLE it and read up on it, it’s very interesting.

Anyway, my husband was curious to know what messages I would send back in time to my earlier self, if I could. I was so startled, I didn’t know for sure at that moment, I blathered on about a few things, but since then I’ve thought about it and I don’t know if I would really do any of those things that I’ve always wanted to do to change my life.

At first I thought I would tell myself to study more in High School, and go to college immediately after High School. Don’t try to be cool, it doesn’t matter in the scheme of things. Don’t give in to peer pressure. Theses are my take aways from that I did tell my BOYS ….and they are a success story. My one son is in law school and the other is studying engineering.

If I did change anything, would I be where I am in THIS life presently? I don’t think so. Hmmm. If you changed anything, would it have affected your present life now? I would think so. So no, I do not think I would change my life in the past because I love my husband and my children and the life I have just the way they are.

I’ve always regretted that I did not live up to my potential . . . that while I attended High School . . . I had such unrealized possibilities, but did not push myself, in those days, women were not necessarily pushed or coaxed to reach for the stars, or perhaps I was not. I had many ideas of attending different schools of interest, but my father shot down each one, instead saying “OH, you’re pretty, you’ll get married”. Unfortunately, I guess at the time I didn’t take life and my future seriously enough to push for more education. Water under the bridge?

We all just assumed many woman would do fine working after High School, finding their mate, so why waste so much money and time on college if we weren’t focused? I had studied secretarial courses during school, done well, had a great job waiting for me in NYC, so why try for more?

These images had always bothered me though . . . I’ve always struggled with the problem of not being good enough, perhaps not living up to my full potential when looking back on my life.  After I had worked in NYC for years working my way up through the ranks, working in the big bad city, taking care of myself, working my way up through Smith Barney doing well, but looking back could I have done more?

I decided to move to New Orleans and more excitement there. I was young and decided to try new and different things. I went to college for Fashion Merchandising/Design. I didn’t stay there long because I found New Orleans so different from the North East so I moved home to New Jersey again to work in retail to see if that’s what I wanted to do before I finished school. OMG. Does retail suck! I did it for a while realizing I was a great sales person, but the money was awful. I knew that it wasn’t for me . . . I made better money straight out of school in the city doing secretarial work, so I went back to that. Youth does not know all the answers as they believe!

Believe it or not even NYC is a small city, when I then ran into a friend from Smith Barney and went back there making great money again, working in stocks and bonds as a Stock Brokers Assistant.  The commute got to me during a 10 hr. return trip in a blizzard, and I returned to NJ.

All of that led me to the job where I met my husband. I’ve always wondered could I have done more with my life career-wise? Of course I could have. . . but where would it have led me…

to a different place.  To a totally different life without my sons and husband?  Yes, but would I be happy?  Perhaps, but I, the present me is not willing to risk that.

NO! I am a GREAT mother and wife! If I had not been where I was when I was I would not have met my now husband. I would not be married to my husband and would not be my sons MOTHER. That would be a shame! They are wonderful MEN and I am happy being where am am now. So I REGRET NOTHING!

Now I am finding my voice writing . . . so life is good and it is the way it was supposed to BE!

So, what would you do differently? Or WOULD you? Think long and hard on that like I have. . .  it would and could change EVERYTHING. . . are you willing to do that?

It’s an interesting concept, isn’t it?

Written by Evelyn Garone 4/2011