Dear Goddess! I swear… why do I always decide to put things away to keep my house nice and neat. Why, oh why? When I then want them at a later date I can’t find them. I don’t have any idea where anything is. I then search all over the house looking for it. I break out in a cold sweat searching high and low as I turn the house upside down looking. I’m serious, I am now just about hysterical, my eyes are the size of saucers, I am shaking. In the grand scheme of things if I would take a deep cleansing breath and think calmly at that moment and realize that it’s not that important, perhaps the red haze of confusion would clear, and I could think, but noooo it’s all important, I NEED to find whatever it is, a receipt, a drawing, a WHATEVER at THAT moment, to prove I’m NOT a lunatic. Huh! My hair is in disarray, I’m panting, I’ve searched the same place 10 times over and eventually I might find the thing (whatever it may be this time) right where I placed it thinking it was the greatest place for me to remember and I’m sooooo happy I found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!
When will I learn that I can’t remember shit, that it’s just better to leave things in plain sight, why must I have the neatest house in all the land? Perhaps if I drew a treasure map whenever I put something away and put it on the ‘fridge in plain sight? Does this only happen to me or to everyone as they hit their 40’s? (Yeah, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it) or AM I a raving lunatic and should just face it and embrace it?
Today was an all time high or low depending on how you look at it. I searched for a particular receipt and though I never found it I found every other damn receipt for the last 10 years that doesn’t matter, as I needed to return something that broke. So frustrating!
Then, as I was drawing I wanted some reference material. . . . and really would it be too much to ask for it to be readily at hand? Of course it would?! When I went to get them, I realized I had no idea where they were. Why do I not know where anything is? Perhaps I’m a little absent minded? Usually I eventually find things right where they should be, but what if you don’t know where “right where they should be” is? I’m surprised I’m supposedly considered coherent at this point in my life, but this is why I have this blog, it is my therapy. But really I’m getting better all the time . . .see I’m still able to function… I’m just sharing my angst with you, instead of killing myself, or putting myself in the looney bin.
If you share my illness, let the force be with you on your future searches! I’m going to go draw now, so see, who needs those old drawings anyway, I’ll just go make some more I can lose! And the beat goes on . . .
© Evelyn Garone 12/1/11