I have been in a holding pattern for far too long…I don’t know why, but it seems that I have finally decided to emerge from my chrysalis and become the butterfly I’ve always been meant to be!
I am taking charge and it feels good. Starting with joining the YMCA and going to the yoga class I feel that I can do many things and calmly. I have also decided that I need to get other things under control in my life, perhaps my own anxiety and things that bother me. There are issues with technology, so yesterday I decided to beard the lion in his den……the universal remote which can be my nemesis and it went off swimmingly. I don’t know if it’s because I decided to face it and as I did, it wasn’t so bad…..I looked at it in another light, and instead of being challenged by it I decided to open my mind to it and try to understand it right from the start and I “got” it this time…..it was all about facing your demons and then it was simple and I don’t know why I’ve been blocked this whole time…..duh, have I been fighting myself?
So I also have decided to get a few other matters around the house under control that I’ve been avoiding, because I hate confrontation and instead of making it about confrontation I calmly faced them openly and honestly with the service people like an adult and the problems are handled. I interviewed a new cleaning woman and fired my old ones, they were not acceptable and I am happy with the new woman…..she and I were very open right from the start about my every wish and want so she knows what I expect from the start. After all, I am paying for a service and I should be happy with it. I also spoke with my pool guy and we cleared up a few matters and I feel better, so does he…..he even apologized that the boss had him take off a week. Huh, fancy that!
I’m wondering if my unrest had to do with my father’s death and not having had a funeral…..I never really grieved properly. So in this matter I was all mixed up and suffering weird angst……….not knowing how to find my place in the universe. I am in line to be the real next generation……to die. Now I’m the Grown Up……I was always the baby…….no more! Booooooo! So as I stumble to find my way through life, I have decided to actually take possession of my life instead! Thanks for listening and following me……good luck to you all, too! This journey through life sure is an adventure and we should all remember it should be enjoyable. I’m trying to remember that every DAMN day. Namaste!
(C) Evelyn Garone 3.28.13