I remember my shaky Parkinson’s disease-ridden father once telling me on an especially bad day as he tried to patiently answer my Alzheimer diseased mother for the millionth time, that he must have been a bastard in a former life to be suffering like this, feeling sorry for himself and me thinking, “Nope, this is just life…..we all have our crosses to bear”.
I tried telling him that he had had a good long life before the “troubles” and that he had been a wonderful father and husband.
I tried to lighten the mood by calling him Shake & Bake, making us laugh! My mother was hard to deal with for him, she was disappearing before his eyes, turning into a child, her moods and incessant questions a trial for him as he got older and sicker. We lost him first, she is still in a care facility, losing her mental capabilities, but not all her personality. She is still a wonderful, happy person at times, amusing the staff, they love her.
I miss him immensely but he’s in a better place, or at least I hope so! I miss him almost daily it seems, especially when I want to ask him questions that only he could answer. I miss my mother, too…my confidante, my best friend, my mommy, though she’s still alive she’s not able to express much…her memory is not up to much today as she’s only able to remember for a few minutes of light surface talk, but I can hold her hand and look into her eyes though it’s not the same….we used to talk for hours, she was the one I went to for everything!
I believe life unwinds the way it’s supposed to. For some reason this is the way it was supposed to happen for us. We don’t know why. Maybe we never will.
© Evelyn Garone 7.30.13